I left the Knoxville area yesterday (Friday) and went to Lexington. During the drive, I had a few hours to think about things. I am not really sure how to continue about this, as I will be speaking from my heart. It is not something I do, normally. I find sometimes it can create more harm than good sometimes. Anyway, my heart has been pretty much shut down for a very long time. Really, the only time I did anything from my heart was when Gilda and I were playing. Even that, had been going downhill, as I wasn’t even doing that very often in the past several months. Do not confuse shut down with depression. I am/was/never really have been depressed. Just shut down to possibilities and opportunities.
About a year ago, I was having dinner at my friend Ben’s house and we were talking about this and possibly it being a reason for an some chronic pain I was experiencing. He advised me to tell myself every morning “I release all transgressions and guilt from the past and accept all possibilities and opportunities into my life.” Oh yeah, I did it every morning for weeks I don’t think I actually believed the words I was saying to myself. Apparently, I didn’t because I had an opportunity to play on the stage at “Christmas on Broughton” last year and I didn’t do it. Anyway….
Fast forward several months. I was having coffee with a friend and fellow musician, Gene R. SIngleton Jr.. It was only a 30 minute meeting but he said something to me- I am sure I have heard a million times- “Nobody does anything on their own” I asked him what he meant, and he said, “There are always people helping you. The people who support you and love you, the people who deal with promotions…” He went on with a couple more examples and I got it. Actually as soon as he started, I got it. I knew that too, it was just something I had either forgot, or took for granted. His star is on the rise right now and it is not because he has more talent -even though he does- it is because his heart is wide open! It was my hope to do a collaboration with him, but our schedules were very different, plus, I may have even been a little scared. Congratulations on all of your recent successes, Gene!
On my first trip in August, I saw exactly what he was talking about. I was having a horrible time trying to make any money until I got to NH. When I got back to Savannah, I had friends who let me stay at their house the entire time I was there- asking for nothing in return. The job I left, let me work for a few weeks to save a few more bucks before I left. I would not be on this trip now if not for any of that. So, thank you ALL for that! I am grateful for the help, love and support you all give!
People have asked, “How can you do this trip alone, don’t you get lonely?” I tell them “I meet new people everyday, I stop and see family and friends along the way. I have the Sun who keeps me warm and the Moon to inspire me and watch over me at night. In addition to all of that, I take YOU with me. It is impossible to be lonely.
So, these are the things I thought of during my few hours on the road. Now I believe it when I say to myself “I release all transgressions and guilt from my past and accept all opportunities and possibilities into my life.” Last weekend the Moon, in all of her glory, really got to me and now I am starting to open my heart back up. Being shut down for so long, I think I robbed myself of some wonderful opportunities- both in my personal life and in my musical life.